Breaking unconscious patterns and triggers
When the shadows become visible
There is a point in life when something changes.
What was previously vague, excused, or just "a feeling" suddenly becomes clear. Reactions feel stronger. Patterns repeat themselves. Something within you says:
"This isn't just about now."
And this is where the work can begin – not with changing yourself, but with starting to see.
When something within you is activated
You might notice it as:
- a strong reaction in a relationship
- a feeling that feels bigger than the situation
- irritation, sadness, or worry that comes quickly
- the same type of situation recurring
It can feel confusing. Sometimes overwhelming. But that doesn't mean something is wrong. It means that something within you has become visible, and often it's a part that once needed to adapt, protect you, or shut down – and which now reacts when something reminds it of that.
Why do these patterns arise?
Many of our reactions are formed early in life.
When something feels like too much – an emotion, a situation, or a relationship – we find ways to cope: we adapt, shut down, become strong, silent, or over-responsible. What once helped us can later become a pattern that limits us. This means it was once necessary.
A significant shift
What makes the biggest difference isn't "getting better" at handling others.
Instead of asking "Why are they doing this?", you gently start to turn your gaze inward to "What is being stirred within me right now?" and that's where the key lies.
In the moment – when it happens
When a trigger hits, it happens fast. The body reacts before the mind catches up. All you really need to do is simple – but not always easy:
Pause.
For example, you can:
– take a breath a little deeper than usual
– silently tell yourself: "This is a reaction"
– allow the feeling to exist without immediately acting on it
You don't need to understand everything right away.
You don't need to solve anything in the moment.
Not reacting immediately is already a big step.
The body plays a bigger role than we think
We often try to understand ourselves with our thoughts, but many reactions are directly in the body.
This can manifest as:
- tension in the chest
- pressure in the stomach
- restlessness, nervousness, or wanting to flee
- "shutting down" or feeling empty, etc.
Beginning to notice the body is an important part of integrating the shadow. It's usually about starting to listen instead of over-analyzing.
Afterwards – where change happens
It is often afterwards that you can begin to understand more - by being curious.
You can ask yourself:
- Have I felt this way earlier in life?
- What does this feeling remind me of?
- What would I have needed in that situation?
It's less about finding the "right answers" and more about starting to see connections.
Different types of shadows
1. The wounded shadow
- fear, shame, sorrow, abandonment
2. The suppressed power
- anger, clarity, boundaries, will
3. The forgotten potential
- creativity, joy, expression, self-confidence
Sometimes our reactions are a sign that something within us finally wants to take its place.
The shadow is not your enemy
It's easy to think that you should "get rid of" your reactions, but shadow work is mostly not about removing something - it's more about stopping suppressing it - and turning it into something positive.
Many of the parts we react strongly to carry something important:
- a boundary that was never allowed to be set
- an emotion that never had space
- a strength that once became too much for the environment
When you start listening instead of shutting down, something happens - it becomes softer.
Turning it into something positive
When we want to turn our shadows into something positive, it can be extremely helpful to try to see what lies beneath the reaction.
Example:
irritation → can show where you need to set a boundary
envy → can show what you long for
fear → can show what is important to you
sadness → can show what you truly care about
anger → can show that something feels unfair or violated
shame → can show where you don't allow yourself to be fully you
impatience → can show where you push yourself too hard
need for control → can show a fear of losing security
need for validation → can show a longing to be seen
jealousy → can show a fear of losing something valuable
avoidance → can show that something feels too vulnerable to face
over-adaptation → can show a fear of not being accepted
drive for achievement → can show that you link value to doing
self-criticism → can show old inner voices you've carried for a long time
feeling of emptiness → can show a need for connection, rest, or meaning
being easily hurt → can show a part that longs for security
shutting down → can show that something has become too much to take in
wanting to withdraw → can show a need for recuperation
being annoyed by others' self-confidence → can show your own suppressed power
being bothered by others' lack of boundaries → can show your own longing for freedom
reacting to coldness in others → can show your own fear of distance
When we take the time to explore the signal behind an emotion, something in our relationship to it can begin to change.
Relationships as mirrors
It is often in encounters with others that our own shadows are most visible.
What we react strongly to can sometimes show:
- something we ourselves long for
- something we don't allow ourselves
- something we were once hurt by
This doesn't mean that everything is "just within us" or defines who we are. When we allow ourselves to look more closely at our shadows, it opens up a deeper understanding of ourselves.
How we can work with our shadows ourselves
You don't have to do everything at once. Small steps often go a long way.
Write
Not perfectly. Not right. Just honestly.
Sit with the feeling for a moment
Without immediately distracting yourself.
Say it out loud (to yourself)
What you feel becomes clearer when you hear the words.
Give yourself what you missed
Security, understanding, permission, patience, and much love.
Getting support – when needed
Sometimes we need more than self-reflection, and that's perfectly okay.
You can receive support through:
- talk therapy
- somatic work (body-based)
- coaching
- safe conversations with someone you trust
Seeking help is never a failure. On the contrary - it can be an important part of the process.
The spiritual perspective
For some, it also feels like something more. Like parts of us that have been disconnected
are starting to return. Like something within us wants to be whole.
You can see it as:
- healing
- integration
- or getting to know yourself deeply
You don't have to put a label on it. It's enough that you yourself notice what is happening.
Spiritual offerings of support and guidance
Today, there are many spiritual offerings of support and guidance – and just like in other areas, it's important to be both cautious and aware when seeking help.
Some areas where you can get support when it comes to shadow work include:
- meditation and quiet inner practices
- energy work and various forms of healing
- hypnotherapy and working with the subconscious
- inner child work
- shamanic traditions and ceremonies
- sound healing and working with vibration and sound
- breathing exercises and body awareness
👉 My personal opinion is that it is rarely recommended to do too much at once or to mix many different methods, as this can easily lead to an overload of the nervous system.
👉 Furthermore, the most important thing is not the form itself, but that it feels safe, respectful, and rooted in you.
When it becomes too much
Sometimes it can feel like everything is coming at once. Then it's important to slow down.
– take breaks
– do something that grounds you
– focus on the simple (everyday life, body, routines)
Development/Unfolding should not feel like you are breaking.
→ Feel free to read the article "From Chaos to Clarity", which builds on "When Inner Expansion Becomes Overload", but is equally relevant in shadow work.
How it can change over time
In the beginning, it can feel intense. You might notice more than you want. Feel more than you're used to.
But something gradually changes:
– you detect the reaction earlier
– you manage to pause more often
– you feel without getting stuck for as long
Eventually, something beautiful and clear happens. You no longer react as automatically, but begin to notice that a space arises where you previously went directly into reaction, and in that space, there is suddenly a choice.
Integration in everyday life
Rather than big breakthroughs, the process is about small changes:
– you say something you previously silenced
– you stay instead of fleeing
– you react a little less, a little later
What emerges
♥ calm in situations that previously triggered you
♥ greater understanding, both for yourself and others
♥ a feeling of standing firmer in yourself
And often also:
♥ a connection with parts of yourself that you previously did not have access to.
A new way of meeting yourself
What you encounter within yourself, you will eventually no longer need to flee from in others, and that change goes deeper than one first realizes. The work takes time and moves back and forth, with some moments feeling clear and others more vague. Every time you choose to pause instead of fleeing, and every time you meet yourself with a little more curiosity than judgment, a quiet but real shift occurs.
❤❤❤
Frequently Asked Questions
What is a trigger?
A trigger is not just a strong reaction. It is a moment where the present connects with something from the past. The body remembers – even when we don't consciously. That's why something small can feel big. Or something neutral can feel threatening.
How do you break unconscious patterns?
By becoming aware of your reactions, pausing in the moment, and gradually understanding what lies behind them.
© by HerMine’s
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